Me: A Beautiful Mess

By: Alexandria Riedinger

Nov 02 2010

Tags: , , , ,

Category: Life & Happenings


Focal Length:30mm
Shutter:1/0 sec
Camera:Canon EOS 50D

And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. – T.S. Elliot

It feels like a new day again. It seems like every day I’m waking up more and more myself. I feel like I went through a period of where I temporarily lost myself, when I was just beginning to understand and love who I was. Have you ever felt that way? Just when you were there, something broke you. Or maybe it wasn’t just one thing, maybe it was the accumulation of a few events, or even people who affected you. But then you fell. And I fell. I fell hard. But I needed to fall so that I could get back up. And be stronger. And I’m starting to get my strength back.

“I am more me now, for having been less me in the past,” as Ash says from The Middle Finger Project. She sent out this amazing email which she called, A Beautiful Mess: A Personal Manifesto of the Human Experience. You need to read it, in hopes that it inspires you as much as it did me. In it, she impassionedly says:

I need to feel as if my life is meaningful.
And I must work toward something I believe in.
I want to create value.
I want to be bold.
I want to live up to my expectations.
And never settle unless I choose to.
I want to be exhilarated by every single day.
And be in awe of life.
And the world.
And my part in it.

She goes on brilliantly, and yet, they are such simple, straightforward thoughts that I would hope most of us feel. I need to feel as if my life is meaningful. I want to be bold. I want to be exhilarated by every single day. While all of it is profound, the parts that really affected me are when she declares:

Because I’ve realized something throughout this entire disaster that has been me.
And it’s that we prosper through adversity.

What I’ve learned through my experiences lately, is that adversity can be a good friend and that I can look it in the face. And smile. Knowing I’ll get through it and see it on the other side. And I’ll be stronger because of it.

And I’m more me now, from having been less me in the past.

This is something that stings a bit for me, knowing it to be truth. Myself in the past has not always been one of much inspiration at all. At least I never thought so. I had all the makings of a good and kind person and I was. But looking back I see myself as this shell of a good person without much real bravado. Without much strength, without much voice.

But it is now time to change all of that. Like Ash said, I am more me now, from having been less me in the past. And it feels great.

From this post, I was reminded of all I want to be. And I thought, what a challenge it might be to sit down and write this manifesto for myself. I wondered what it would say. So I indulged my curiousity…and I started writing.

I want to get to the end of my life, and know I’ve lived it.
And know I’ve had no regrets.
Because as many times as I’ve failed.
I’ve learned.
And I will always learn.

I want to feel passion everyday.
I want to feel passion for life.
I want to love one thing and all things at the same time.
Be it person, place, or thing.

I want to know myself.
Even my worst self.
Because my worst, will always make me better.
I want to be true to who I am.
I want to know my voice.
And use it loudly.

So pull out your journal, because I hope you have one by now, and I dare you to write your own. Even if it’s a few sentences here or there, you’ll be much happier that you did.


3 comments on “Me: A Beautiful Mess”

  1. This is AWESOME.

    I’m going to challenge my readers to do the same, and give you credit.


  2. Alex, This is beautiful. Cudos to you. IM with you.

  3. I love it Alex! I think many of us have felt the same way, I know I have. I can relate to recognizing losing yourself and for me one day saying, “What the hell am I doing here with these people?! This isn’t Me!” Congrats for finding your strength, you were always a strong person but recognizing it makes you even stronger!

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